Thursday’s Show 4/30/09
Artie is out sick again today.
Artie called Ronnie the Limo Driver to convey the call out. Gary thought it was weird that he didn’t call him.
Howard has doubts that Artie is sick. He said that Artie has a show tomorrow night and bets he is there.
Howard was giving Benjy shit still, even though he was on time today. Benjy was comparing himself to Artie and Howard said that its different, he isn’t in Artie’s league. (Kind of unfair to Benjy I feel)
Howard called Artie a “head case” and that he is in “Artie land”. He said that there will be a breaking point some time.
Despite the above comment, Howard did say he loves the guy and prays he is OK. Robin said she didn’t think he was going to a shrink. She doesn’t believe that a shrink would only ask him to come once a week. Howard concurred. With the lazy approach to therapy, that isn’t therapy. Howard and Robin both said there were devasted that he isn’t getting proper treatment.
Fred said that he didn’t think he was doing heroin but probably boozing. He thought that Artie is giving them his version of the truth, but lying.
They started analyzing the different complaints and injuries that Artie complained about. Howard teased that perhaps he is in the CIA and he is on a mission.
They later did a bit where they had Artie calling in using Artie’s pre-recorded voice.
In other show stuff:
- Hugh Jackman in this morning (not sure what time but it is earlier)
- Iron Sheik was in studio today. He said Artie must be fucked up to missed the show and if he was there he was suplex him and make him humble.
is hugh jackman coming in?
Swine flu or another lost weekend spiking up?
At this point with Artie, all I have to say is “Who gives a sh*t, who gives a f**k!” There is no saving this gorilla.
what sbg skyrocket in views today. AF im guessing 500 views normally, 2500 views when arties out?
whoops what was supposed to be “watch sbg Skyrocket”
I only got to hear the Jackman interview. Did they give a reason as to why Artie isn’t there? Did he leave another sick-sounding call in message?
swine flu
Man – slap in the face to Benji….artie can call out whenever and the dude can’t even be late anymore
On Planet Howard, Artie will get a pay raise and a promotion for being out again. Here on Earth, he woulda’ been gone a long time ago and life would have went on as normal.
Fatboy got shows this weekend, so he is prob. just resting up.
hugh jackman is a decent interview, hes pretty forthcoming. the oprah story was the only downfall.
Agreed… Jackman good interview sans kissing Oprah’s fat pompous ass.
“Everyone, everyone…stop what you’re doing. Hugh and I are having the BEST conversation over here. Hugh, tell them about it.” Are you fucking kidding? Oprah’s got a bigger ego than everyone in Howard’s studio combined. And big rolls of talentless fat to match.
Say what you want about the amount of vacation time the show takes…not once in 4 years have Howard or Fred or Robin or Gary taken an unplanned day off (Howard once took off for a Jewish holiday and daughter’s graduation). Artie needs to be given a similar restriction when he doesn’t show up that benji gets…
For example…Artie should not be allowed to plug hs gigs (this includes when Teddy does it for him at the end of the wrap-up show)
Artie “should this”, Artie “should that” what kind of dumb shit is that?
Do you people listen to this show? Howard has said so many times over and over that Artie is not subject to the same shit the other staff is. Howard has purposely given Artie a long leash, that was the deal when he hired him, and that is the deal today.
what is this chorus of “PUNISH ARTIE”??
how fucking stupid.
If Artie needs time off, Howard has said that’s cool with him. Artie is a FUCKING DRUG ADDICT, this shit is going to happen. He’s not clean, he’s not sober (YET) and he’s probably never going to be.
get over yourselves.
oh…and I will fuck you in your ass and make you humble. YOU CHEAP JEW SONOFABITCH
YOU SONOFABETCH!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I looovve the Iron Shiek-cracks me up every time!
@Taint,
I understand and agree with what you’re saying, but the one thing Howard FUCKING HATES is people putting other shit before the show. How many times does he say, “The show is the main thing. Everything else is a result of the show.” So if Artie called in today and does the show this weekend (which has happened in the past) Stern isn’t going to be too pleased.
Of course he won’t fire Artie, but I’m sure he’ll get a good reaming. Which will be fun for us.
“Of course he won’t fire Artie, but I’m sure he’ll get a good reaming. Which will be fun for us.”
DING DING DING
now you’re getting it.
Smack it up Fatboy!
I am completely DONE with the fucking Benji deal…..I mean the entire start of the show is Howard re living the tardiness yesterday?? That is not funny at all, it’s fucking annoying when he won’t let these things go, he just likes to play King Howard and deamean all of his peasants.
Time to bring in Jerry O’ Connell in the Artie seat. He seems humble about his Hollywood life, and does not hold back on personal stories. Howard could do a few months out of the year with Jerry when he is not filming, and the other months when Artie is not touring!!!
This will keep the show fresh!!!! Just give Artie time to tour, and bring in temp replacements when he does.
I don’t understand why there is ANY speculation about if Artie is sick by anone at the show. He didn’t call in because he was too wasted to speak coherently I’m sure – been there.
In reference to his time off and drug use, he has said the following to Howard:
1. I will always lie to keep my job.
2. I have never been too sick to come to work.
I would love to see him on an episode of Intervention – Howard, Robin, Dana and Booey reading their letters to him…
He prob. stayed up eating pills all night and had a full fledged anxiety attack/freakout b/c he knew he was too wasted to show up this morning. It doesn’t seem logical that this is anything positive unless it is a bit.
O’Connell is a nice guy with good stories, but he’s not funny
YOU DUMB SONOFABETCH! YOU TAKE HALF OF MY MONEY I GET HALF!
Can’t get enough of the Iron Shiek-priceless!
SHUT THE FUCK UP LET ME ATALK!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xcwt9mSbYE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIgWmAzeblA
Other than Artie back in the desert with the horse with no name…I was hoping Howard would start screaming at Eric the Ack Ack tor. That’s what I’m waiting for.
you have to be kidding me….who cares already?!! I can do the lines from all the scrubs on this show. Artie….”errrr…..((gruff laugh)) wheeze…..you know this weight loss, training that pilot Dan has me doing is really taking it’s toll on me. I used to just sit around now i’m so tired..etc” Richard…”Hey Howard, me and Sal have an idea if Artie is late again, we get to put our balls on his head” Jon Hein “today on the wrap-up show we will discuss artie’s reason for being out, richard and sal’s punishment idea along with other stuff that happened today discussed on the wrap up show” ……..Bring back Jackie….anyone remember “gay jungle fever”……..”Cannibal Gilligan’s Island”…..song parodies written by jackie/fred/howard…instead of shit sent by fans and a failed stockbroker and stupid papa john eating hillbilly!!!?/….Does anyone REMEMBER LAUGHTER !!! This is why people just d/l the show instead of paying for it….
Howard ream Artie!? That’s never going to happen. Never. First of all Artie won’t sit there and eat shit from Howard like the rest of the crew and I think Howard knows that. Look how tense it was when the ‘I’m not your bro’ shit went down.
Artie’s life is interesting. It’s another aspect to this ongoing reality show that is the HSS. Look how everyone loves to speculate about what he is or is not doing. It’s great content whether you love it or hate it. Howard, as always, is just letting life play out on the air…. waiting to see what comes of it.
How did the PIG get to Mexico ???? The swine flew (flu) !!!!
If Artie got a sitcom deal, he would shape up and loose weight, if it was a condition of the contract !
Ya fat fuk
I was about to write a long rambling post, when I saw that “Artie’s Taint” already nailed my thoughts exactly, so… what he said.
For those of you out there who are genuinely worried about Artie and praying he gets better, keep at it. I am personally not a big believer in the power of prayer, but that’s my problem not yours. Keep up the good work and maybe we will find out that Artie is just fine.
As for the “punish Artie” crowd, I think you need to spend a little more time worrying about yourself and a little less time worrying about what Artie’s doing and what he can and can’t get away with. Artie is an adult and he is perfectly capable of making his own decisions as well as paying the consequences for, and/or reaping the benefits of, those decisions. If and when, you are the boss, feel free to treat anyone on your staff however you deem fit, and, moreover, feel free to rub it in our faces if your tactics gain you a better, healthier, and more productive workforce. Either way (and I will quote SBG himself here), LEAVE ARTIE ALONE!
To Florida Booey: I am assuming that you weren’t listening first thing this morning because Eric the Ack Ack-tor got another old fashioned raft of shit this morning from Howard. This time, Johnny Fratto was on the line to dispell all of the myths, lies and half-truths Eric was spewing yesterday. I hate that ungrateful little prick more today than I did yesterday, and I already REALLY hated his guts yesterday.
Long: No, I was listening, but I heard Howard’s voice go up the octave into “I PRANK! NO ONE ELSE!” with Ronnie & Scott territory for a few seconds, and I was hoping Howard would just uncork on him in a Scott “I told you not to use the Goddamn tape! No Fuckin’ Way, Gange!!” tirade.
What we got was good, though. I just wish someone would just dress him down like a Marine drill sergeant and then immediately hang up on him.
That’s what he deserves.
@ long time 1st time:
In the immortal words of the iron shiek
“FACK JOU!”
Bitching, griping, worrying, laughing, taunting, speculating about the gorilla is what sbg is all about. So if u don’t like it, maybe its u that’s needs to spend a little more time worrying about yourself, and not “us”.
“FACK JOU!”
lmao
Florida Booey: I hear you, bro, and you are right. For a second there, I thought Howard was going to explode, too… like he used to in the good old days… and, if ever there was a time and a person deserving to get exploded on, it was that ungrateful little turd of an ack ack-tor today. Instead, just as the fireworks were about to reach another level, Howard reined himself in…. A LOT. He still gave the little brat a lot of crap, but not nearly as much as he deserved.
I don’t know if it is too much quality time with his shrink over the years or maybe his life is just too darn good these days to keep him from getting too angry, but Howard no longer seems to have that extra gear of rage overdrive like he used to. Heck, a few weeks ago, he was even waxing poetic about Imus and hoping he beats cancer…. 10 years ago, he was screaming that he not only hoped Imus WOULD GET cancer but that he would DIE from it, too…. sigh.
Listenin’ to the bigging of the show and I gotta say it rather pisses me off that everyone on the show bitches about how tough the schedule is. I have to commute an hour to work, I work ten fuckin’ hours a day, 5 sometimes 6 days week. I have to be at work by 0700 but considerin’ I have an hour to drive to get here that means I have to be up between 0430 and 0500. When I have drill you can make that an 18 hour day.
These fucks only put in a 5 hour shift 4 days a week! It ain’t that hard!
And I agree with Fred-I think waterboarding is something Artie would understand and might be an affective means of prevention. Every time he “dances”, he gets waterboarded
I feel bad for the guy I’ve heard heroine is tough to beat. Maybe its just a sick day who doesn’t call in now and then eventhough they are not sick
Artie can be SUCH a shit. The 5/1/09 show’s still on and accepting ticket orders — http://www.livenation.com/edp/eventId/402614/
$66.50 a pop; pay up so you can catch everything he would have said on-air if he had bothered to show up for work on the radio.
This shtick has gotten so tired.
And people really thought he was on the Helicopter Mike Health Plan???
The Artie bit is so played,I don’t give a shit about it anymore.He probably just needs some drama for his new “reality”show.
i think there was genuine fear when artie asked howard, “you wouldn’t replace me with jackie, would you?”
Who cares. Artie isn’t really funny anymore since he’s off the smack. Bring in Breuer.
I was never a Jackie fan, but bring him on when Artie is out. Bring him back for the last year of Sterns contract. F-Jackie, but F-Artie even more. Ungrateful jackhole.
No no no! Artie’s a shit who disrespects Howard, but he’s a FUNNY shit who disrespects Howard.
Which puts him MILES apart from freakin’ hack Jackie.
I would stop listening if Jackie came back to the show. That chapter is way closed. If Artie quits or doesn’t come back, just do a rotating comedian for the last year and a half of the contract. Howard will not be coming back anyway after the contract, and if he does it will be some annoying ass 2 hour show on an ISDN line a couple times a week.
Which will STILL be the only thing worth listening to on the radio.
I have to agree with Nick Gerz, Jim Breuer is one of the funniest dudes around!! those impressions he does are classic!!
I think helicopter Mike flew Artie to Delaware for a little sumpin sumpin.
I agree TwaTwa!! Listening to Jackie on replay- SUCKS!!!!!!!
Explain to me why Artie called Ronnie when he wasn’t coming in…
Good question Dave. When he calls out they should call him all morning until he answers then grill his fat ass and get these answers, that would be funny!!!
Talking from experience. If he is avoiding calling his boss and going around the process, he is on a bender!!!
It is too bad that Howard has enabled Artie to egt away with this for soooooo long. The reason us addicts have such funny stories is because until we “sober up” we have to have attention to feel better about our screwups/life. We know that we screwup every day, but make life funny so that when we are forced to lie people take it easy on us and suspend their disbelief. Its like watching a horror show not many people are dumb enough to stand around and get killed, most would fight for our lives but we suspend our common sense to enjoy the movie.
Howard is a total enabler when it comes to Artie.
Anyone know the site Artie was talking about on Wednesday, where you can see insurgents planting bombs on webcam. He said they don’t know that they are being watched. I have been looking for it but no luck so far.
Please help!!
He might have been joking but because I’m in the army I have seen videos of these fuckwads plantin’ IED’s and no, they don’t know they are being watched. If at all possible they are being sniped, too! (good job, my two sniper nephews!). One shot, one kill-HOOAH!
I want the Jackie Puppet back. Either that or make an Artie Puppet. It would be a big puppet, but it could work.
I would have no problem with Jackie being back at all. If you got both Jackie and Billy West back…it’s Murderer’s row. That truly was the best lineup in the history of the program when you had Jackie / Billy and both the Gary and Jackie puppets involved daily in the show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClK7FSf_9-Y
No man, the real Jackie just ruins it — he’s an unfunny bore. Somehow the puppet (care of West) kills with similar material. Even though lately Jackie has been claiming he wrote most of the puppet’s lines. If you have the puppet (and Billy!) you don’t need Martling, at all. Same with Dice parodies; they can be hysterical, but the actual person is an unfunny hack.
That’s why Billy West is boring by himself. And blaming Howard for “enabling” Artie is just stupid.