Artie opened up about his new girlfriend this morning. Her name is Adrienne (as I previously announced here), 25 years old, fellow New Jerseian and surprisingly Dutch, not Italian. They are officially going out and they have already expressed love for each other.
The Beginning
He met her back in May. While walking to his gym, he saw her working at the tanning place next door. Not knowing how to approach her, he noticed a sign in the window advertising straight shaves. He decided to go inside and use his inquiry of the shave to talk to her. As luck with have it, the guy was not in and Adrianne asked for Artie’s name and number (not knowing who he is) and said she would call him back when she finds out the schedule. That segwayed into some small talk and baseball. Adrienne mentioned she hasn’t been to the new Yankee Stadium and Artie told her to give him a call if she wants to go.
First Date
Adrienne did call Artie about the game but she was unable to make the one he had in mind. On the night of the SNL finale, Using Craig Gass’s cellphone, Artie called her and asked her if she would like to go to the after party. Artie talked about this story on the air on 5/19/09. By this time, Adrianne had learned who Artie was from her coworker. Artie sent a town car for her to drive her from Jersey into the city. They didn’t get back to his place till 5am and they talked till 10am. Artie said he did try/want to sleep with her but she was putting the brakes on.
No Secret
Adrienne has already met Artie’s mother and sister, as well as, Robin. All three ladies are very fond of her. Robin said of her, “There is a vast difference between this girl and the other girls Artie has seen.” Artie said that he has already talked to her father over the phone. He is a doctor. Fred joked about Artie only using her to get to his prescription pad. Artie said that Fred thinks the same way Helicopter Mike does. He hasn’t talked to the mother yet.
Drugs
Artie candidly said that she was born the year he had his first DUI. How romantic! He has told her about his drug history and warned her if he ever fell off the wagon to get the fuck away from him. He even told her what most doctors would say to wait a full year clean before starting a relationship. She is anti-drugs.
What about Dana?
Dana knows about Adrienne too. In fact, Dana is seeing somebody at the moment as well. Artie still has extreme sadness about how things ended with Dana and that he would still take a bullet for her. He hopes she is always in his life at some capacity. Adrianne can relate, as she still talks to an Ex on the west coast. Howard told Artie he wouldn’t want this girl still talking to a guy she still has feelings for. Artie said there is an entire chapter in the next book devoted to Dana. So far it is like a 10 page apology along with a new revelation.
Arthur Lange the Poet
Artie recited a short poem that will be included in the Dana chapter. He admitted this isn’t the first poem he has written for a girl. He and Dana have exchanged poems in the past. He already written one for Adrianne. There had been another girl years ago he had also written for.
Star Crossed Lovers
Artie said his mother and sister are big into horoscopes, although he is not. Coincidently, the day Artie and Adrienne first met, Artie read his horoscope 20 minutes before. It read that love was on the horizon. Despite them using the word love for each other, Artie said they are “taking it slow.” He sounds extremely fond of this girl. I wish you the best of luck Artie.
Also… I know a few of us has commented on Artie’s tan. Interestingly, Artie mentioned that the girl wanted him to get a spray tan. I think he denied it but then talked about it as if he knew a little too much about it. Perhaps that’s why he is so dark in that photo above.
Artie’s Dana Poem
Dana you were much too brilliant to be my bride.
I promised you I would be a good man, but baby, I lied,
But like the stone said, Angel, they can’t say we never tried.
Artie following in Howard’s footsteps. Women love money. That’s a fact. Hot chicks even moreso. Dating a guy who is only a few months removed from his last heroin binge is not really where you want to start a relationship. Unless of course he has bags of money, then you can be a bit more “understanding”. No way this chick knows what she’s in for. No f-ing way.
So he met her less than a month ago and he’s already parading her around and “expressing love?” wtf… weird.
To be fair, BG does need someone besides his
Mom and Sister to ID his body at the morgue…..
whats not to love, a fat, drug addict, smoker, drinker, been with hookers, has an anger problem…..does she realize that howards contract is up in another year, and then noone will ever hear from artie lange ever again? she’s a bad GOLD DIGGER
her doctor daddy is probably happy about this – he knows Artie will die soon and she’ll get the money so he doesn’t have to support her since she is 25 and works at a tanning salon. her career goal is obviously to find a meal ticket.
Realistically, she’ll probably only need 1-2 years of time to put into this. Be the perfect girlfriend and get Artie to propose. Artie would never ask her to sign a pre-nup. After the marriage, start nagging him and telling him to Shhhshusssh. Follow him on the road, don’t let him go out anywhere with the boys. Sooner or later, Artie OD’s and bada-bing bada-boom, a nice beach house and sweet stack of cash for 2 years work.
i’m done dating for love – my search now begins for rich fat entertainers near death…
It never fails…. rich famous guys can always get young hot girls
I wonder if she is as dumb and as that Pollack Stern married?
I noticed the last line in Artie’s poem should read “Like The (Rolling) Stones said..” But even in the song “Angie”, the line is “Angie, they can’t say we never tried” not “Angel”.
I’m surprised nobody on the show jumped on this, because if it had been BaBaBooey or Sal, they would have crucified those guys on this.
Good for Artie, sounds like he has his life turned around in the right direction, most importantly, he is going out with a hot chick who actually looks like a female and not Preakness winner Rachel Alexandra, aka Beth Ostrosky.
Good for Artie for bagging this hot chick. However, she wouldn’t give 2 shits about him if he wasn’t loaded with $$$ or remotely famous. She didn’t even call him back until the owner of the tanning salon told her who he was. I ain’t saying she’s a golddigger, but you know what I mean…
There is no such word as ” segwayed ” –
You must be trying to use ” segue “
Looks like Artie’s got a new drug, a replacement for all of his addictions..and she looks dumb too……I’m her age and the idea of dating him is sicker than dating some of my Dad’s friends….
kacey’s a hater
Don’t correct my language – I don’t care. It’s the Internet.
Artie was riding a Segway past the tanning salon — it’s the only way he can make it more than a city block.
He picked up a little girl from a TANNING SALON? Her face is so shiny it looks like someone scrubbed her up with Brillo and a power sander. Why didn’t he just marry his favorite hooker from Vegas?
Artie’s a smart guy; why does he want someone who spreads cancer for a living?
Oh Daner, Daner… We know you just got too old for him…
Huh?
whatever floats your boat and gives rise to your fries
Hey! You changed/corrected the spelling of her name. I guess it’s with an “a”.
To expound upon what I wrote earlier, I was implying she spreads cancer for a living since she works at a tanning “salon” and that Artie may have declined to reconcile with Dana because she appears to be looking her age lately…
Chance of Artie having romantic success = 0.0
Beth O Preakness winner; that’s funny…
Im guessing she no longer works at the salon.
Really? You think she gave up her job in a single month just to be a full time whore? It shouldn’t be too hard to verify. There couldn’t be more than a dozen tanning places within Artiewalking distance of the station….
Not too mention, if people did recognize her. Its a way of promoting the business
Artie, the new Nipsey Russell
I dont think he got a spray tan cause u can see his farmers tan below his neck, he proly outside playin baseball (on heroin) to lose weight
Interesting how neither Dana nor this girl would agree to date Artie until they found out he was on the Stern show. Coincidence? I think not.
Good for Artie!!!!!!
He is a funny bastard, and I’m glad hes getting some prime ass!!!!