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59 Responses to “Howard Stern Emergency Staff Meeting”
good article and stated that howards salary was 80 million which included budget for himself staff and other stuff and made 82.9 million in stock for bringing in 2 million subscribers.
Actually it said he brought in 2 million listeners over their target. This article annoyed me actually. It said Howard is available on iPhone. Sirius/XM is, but the Stern show is not. It also said the show is on from 6am to 9am. I mean if the journalist can’t these these simple facts right then how the fuck am i supposed to believe the rest of the article. And Howard is never gonna do an internet podcast type show like this article suggests he might.
I personally wouldn’t be surprised if he went back to terrestrial. Just to show everybody the kind of clout he has and ratings he can garner.
I don’t care for “history of”, especially when they act as though Sam Kinison cured cancer. I mean, heck, the guy was funny, and his death tragicly ironic (not from drugs), but they revere him like a god. It’s artie-esque, the treatment/ fawning of Kinison. In a similar way, I think Howard was afraid of Sam, who often fought with people, once threatening to kick Ronnie’s ass. I guess Sam’s “friend of the show” status allowed him to get away with more than other guests. (Again like artie).
For my money, Gilbert Gottfried has been the most consistently funny comedian they’ve ever had on.
“Beth looks good in glasses. Very Jenny McCarthyesque there.” At first I couldn’t tell who she was from her profile…looks like Howard is about to cast a spell on her…
Despite all the horse face cracks on her, and the fact that she is glomming off of Howard’s fame (how else would any publisher be interested in a dog book by Beth O?), Beth would look great in anything. I’m not a Beth fan, but she is a trophy wife if there ever was one…
WOW! I just checked out those tags on Amazon.com. There are about 6 of them that reference “horse” , “horse face”, and (my fave) “Kentucky derby”. Funny, but brutal. Then again, how is Beth any diffeent from Diedre Imus, or any other nobody who marries a celeb, then all of a sudden finds this new “career”. Twenty years ago, Howard was ripping apart Joe Piscopo, Trump, and other celebs who traded up for trophy wives. What goes around comes around I guess.
As for the video on this post – yeah it’s pretty damn good.
Well, thanks to pwnyoutube.com I’ve downloaded the 20 MB version and transcribed its genius for posterity. (There don’t seem to be any other transcripts on the web at present.) All grammar and typos as per the original video:
—————————————-
Howard… we’ve finally tracked Artie down.
He was here on Saturday.
We followed the scent of heroin and empty cupcake wrappers.
They say he’s in pretty bad shape.
I mean, aside from the obvious.
. Well, as long as he’s clean.
. Helicopter Mike should have him back by showtime Monday.
My furher…
There…
There is no Helicopter Mike. He’s still using.
It was all lies.
. Everyone that knew Artie was bullshitting me…
. Leave now.
. YOU FUCKING MORONS!
. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!
. How can I do this show day after day without him?
. Am I supposed to talk every fucking second?
. AND NEVER TAKE A GODDAMN BREATH!
. Am I supposed to talk about Lisa G’s shits every day?
. Is that entertaining to you?
We can still talk about the chairs in Garys’ theatre.
. SHUT THE FUCK UP, FRED!
. If you mention those stools again I’m going to puke!
I’m still not tired of Robin’s wacky diets.
. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
. That 34?
. I’m ready to put you in a blender and FEED YOU TO HER!
. Listen, my wife’s in the hallway.
. Take a good look at her.
. You think I’d have a girl like that if I was Howard the plumber?
. I WANT THAT FAT FUCK BACK NOW!
. I’ll shoot heroin into the tip of his dick myself if I have to!
. And don’t even get me started on Fred.
. Guy treats me like shit after all I’ve done for him.
. He shows me no respect.
. Nothing but love for him.
. Why does he resent me?
. This show is 99.9% me!
. You’re living off the crumbs that fall from my lips when I eat.
. I’m getting too old for this shit!
. Between having to be within a mile of Sal…
. And that dorfying Richard.
. I’ll be lucky if I make it to 60!
It’s ok, Lisa. Your shits ARE interesting.
. I know that right now, in this room…
. That some of you scumbags are in love with my wife.
. One of you even jerks off all over her chair when she leaves here.
. Now I have to do…
. What I swore I’d never do.
. But I have no choice.
. I’d rather cut my one good ball off than do this.
. Call Jackie Martling.
—————————————-
I was sorely tempted to change the last line, but I respect the artist too much.
Okay, does anyone have a clue here? I’ve only listened up through 12/9/09, and I just realized that looks like it was Artie’s last day! I imagine this has been rumored and hashed to death by now on the Wrap-Up Show and “SFN” and so on?
The official Mark’s Friggin summary for the 12-14-09 show reads “Artie Lange Asked To Take Time Off By SIRIUS Management”… and in the show I heard Artie was making it very clear he had canceled his gigs and was devoted to the Stern show (“Comix” notwithstanding)… but were those cancellations in RESPONSE to previous objections by “management”?
If “management” told him to take a leave, did he in fact comply and go into rehab (which doesn’t sound like him at all). If he did NOT go into rehab, and if he’s NOT welcome on the Stern show, then WHY are his gigs still cancelled (as per his web site)? Why no new sightings in the wild?
The “radio silence”, as it were, is disturbing. I mean, what’s the title of this web site after all!
This is a guy who was VERY much concerned about money and career. If he’s decided to take a year or two off from everything, great for him. I’d just like to know he’s okay…
In case I wasn’t clear, I’m just trying to politely ask if anyone who knows more than I do (which is 0.0) would please summarize anything known about Artie since 12/9 or so. It’s all fun and games until Artie gets hurt, and I just want to hear that he’s not….
Really Twatter? You’re 3 weeks behind and we have to update you on everything since then? C’mon man, get in the game. What the fuck are you doing? We’re all busy, but you have to make time for the Stern show. You’re like some asshole walking into a movie 20 minutes after it starts asking what’s going on.
The update is…Artie didn’t report for his last week of work before break, and Howard doesn’t want to talk about it. That’s pretty much it. If there is an update I’m pretty sure this website will be one of the first to report. So you aren’t missing anything yet.
Is next week a re-play of the HHS stuff that’s been played since the break started or something different? I have a legit excuse for askin’ what’s going on-I’ve been in another country and haven’t been able to listen since I got back. I had to travel again as soon as I touched down in Reno. I’ve been trying to read the blogs when I can but I’ve been way too busy! (I’m not that asshole, Derek!)
Uh, thanks? You see, Darek, I pace my listening so I’m NOT stuck with 2 or 3 weeks of repeats during regular Stern Show vacations. I rarely end up more than a day or two behind by the time the show comes back on. (The first History of Howard Stern was good, but later iterations were not good enough to keep me from pining for the actual show.) I also get to hear the whole show and am not subject to the happenstance of time or commercial breaks.
I’d already done my due diligence BEFORE asking, and I’d come to exactly the same conclusion you were kind enough to provide — nobody knows what’s up with Artie. In fact, in the thread above I WROTE well before your kind reply my surmise that “no one seems to know where Artie went”.
But, I thought perhaps I had missed some important clues that people who had actually LISTENED to the intervening shows had managed to gather, and I was trying to politely ask you to fill in the blanks. (Again, surely some interesting and perhaps partially substantiated theories had been thrown up on Wrap Up shows or SFN or elsewhere.) But you can’t. Thanks anyway.
By which I mean to say, no duh. Good to know you’ve learned so much more than I have by listening to each day’s show on time. For heaven’s sake, it’s like Artie’s whereabouts are a state secret.
Well I’m glad you’ve at least done your due diligence….
The first show Artie was gone was the same ol thing. “Where’s Artie/hope it isn’t drugs/maybe depression/exhaustion from the road, etc..” But after that they where eerily quiet about it. From the parts of the show I heard and reading show updates on the net, I don’t think they mentioned Artie at all. Maybe a rare passing joke about his absence but they never got into another discussion about it. It’s as if Howard knows what’s up and isn’t comfortable getting into it, or he’s assuming the audience is sick of the Artie guessing game and never really getting any info. I think I’m one of the biggest Artie supporters on here, but it is getting old.
I wish he’d be real (which is what the show is supposed to be all about) and finally lay the truth out there. Is he really having a nervous breakdown b/c he’s the same age his old man was when he died? Can’t get over Dana? Back on the stuff? Just fucking tell us. There has to be a tangible explanation as to why he’s indefinitely retiring from stand up. And he can’t even show up to work 20 hours a week to his “dream job.”
He keeps this shit up and his old joke about having to go back to work as a longshoreman may come true.
Well that’s more like it; thanks for real this time Darek. You gave me some of the flavor I was looking to hear.
I started on the 12/10 show this morning, and Howard was pretty clear that he DID know exactly where Artie was, and that Artie was okay. So I guess my optimistic hope is that it’s forced rehab.
Before he left Artie was making it clear that it was now “the Artie chair” and then the stuff about cancelling gigs and focusing on Sirius. I get the feeling they were shoving him out and he was actually fighting back, in order to stay on the show.
Rehab really makes the most sense. I guess it’s not “their place” to talk about it though. Nobody seriously doubts he’s been “using” lately, so let’s hope for the best…
By the way, I relistened to 12/9 and while Artie was relatively quiet, he did make his minimum daily requirement of semiclever zingers. I’ve never seen him fail to do his job (assuming he shows up of course). Good luck Artie!
Arties Favorite Herpes Laced Hooker says:
December 23, 2009 at 12:54 pm
anyone of us would do the same in howards shoes, maybe not beth specifically but a trophy type wife
______________________
true but would you deify her they way he does? The photo op of her “saving” the owl and setting it free while wearing he NYY knit hat? It’s fairly sickening. She a saint blah blah blah, for a guy whose career was predicate on family values and a solid marriage it’s a complete 180 and totally hypocritical.. He’s now the personification of everything he bashed for 90% of his career. And he looks ridicules next to her. Put it this way look at what he said about imus and his current wife or a ton of other celebrities he mercilessly beat on for doing the same.
@ arties heart – Thanks for supporting my earlier comments about trophy Beth. And while many of us may have traded up like Howard did, if we were in his shoes, I certainly would not have married again, nor would I have put her on the air. I get nausea when I hear them call each other baby and honey. No couple that I ever knew that was this lovey dovey for this long ever made it. It’s fuckin phoney bullshit.
@ twa twa –
Artie missed work again. Artie came into work with a story about why he was out again. I didn’t believe him again. Howard acted as though he was cool with it again. Then artie was out again. Then, in a shocking turn and for the first time ever, we were told management advised artie to stay out the rest of the week! Now we expect artie will be back again, and then lie about what he did again, when we know he shoulda gone to rehab again, but didn’t again!
My gut tells me Artie is done on the show, but my brain says Howard will fight for him until the bitter end to keep him. At this point being involved with this web site and talking with Matt and all you guys over the years, I for one think Artie is a genuine jerkoff, and I feel stupid for ever believing anything he’s ever said, and to take it a step further I’m jealous that I don’t have a job where I make a ton of money fuck my employer and friends over and over again and am still adulated by them…But then I’m reminded that it’s a show and realize that i’m the jerkoff for ever giving a shit….
Don’t be down on yourself for falling for Artie’s lies. He has spent decades perfecting his cons. We don’t even really know Artie, but people who do, and who seem very savvy, were taken in by him as well.
Artie predicted from the very beginning that this day would come. He said everybody who has ever loved me has grown to hate me, given enough time. And trust me, when he first said this I thought, no way, I am a huge fan of Artie and his great stories. But by the time I read Too Fat to Fish, he was right. I have listened to the show since the days at WNNNNNBC, and thought the Show was best when Artie joined. I wish him the best, but I don’t believe a word he says about anything. If he is not back, the show will lack something, but I understand why he can’t be allowed to work there. If he is back, he will likely be a distraction, as he has been the last few months. But I understand that it’s business and sometimes decisions are made for reasons that aren’t transparent. Beyond that, I hope the show gets back on track, because the Sirius contract negotiations are not making for stellar radio.
Really, how hard is Howard gonna fight for the gorilla with one more year on the contract? I think he’s finally sick of the bullshit and really doesn’t care if Artie doesn’t make it back. He has plenty of back-up comics he can put in that crumb filled chair. I love the fatboy but if he were in my squad his paperwork would already be started.
Nope, Derek. Not killin’ anything:-/ I’m support for those who do;-)
For what it’s worth, according to Wikipedia and VH1, “Season 3 of Celebrity Rehab will premiere on January 10, 2010.” No idea when they film(ed). Their last offer was $200,000.
I am very sad this morning
my daughter has struggles with herion for the past 6 years and it has torn my family apart. My husband and I can’t even talk about her without fighting things are getting better but she still is battling her demon
As artie will be for the rest of his life
We’ve known artie wanted to do this for awhile quess we should have stayed on the situation longer
GET BETTER ARTIE WE LOVE YOU!!!!
Put down the bat and stop beating yourself up buddy, you’re now on the true road to recovery. A person’s bottom is never like another’s and this is yours, don’t run from it but embrace it, for it’s the pain that you are in that will save your life. Life will never be the same and neither will you, you’ll know what it is to have true piece of mind and you’ll have a new found happiness. Don’t burden yourself with what you’re family’s been through, they know you’re hurting because of it but they’re strong and so are you. For it’s your Mother and Sister’s love and support that they want you to lean on. I’m praying for you big man. You’re gonna be ok.
Artie …. you are one of the best things that has come along to the show …. you have fans every where that love you and want the best for you …. to hell with the critics …. if they had a clue they wouldnt be talking the way they do
We all hope for the best …. get the help now my man …. I did the samething years ago and it was the bottom for me …. do for you and your family …. no one else
Fight it all the way …. we will be here for you …. we love you man
Oh my god that is the best thing ever! Florida Booey (if he or she wrote it) is a genius.
(Yes, I know the video is a common source for mashups.)
“There Is No Helicopter Mike”
“It’s okay, Lisa, your shits ARE interesting.”
And it’s so clear which guy is Fred! Just perfect. (Except for the impossible ending.)
Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for this. I stumbled across it while listening to old bits.
Bits like this one, featuring the Jackie Puppet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQi66ihXDeg
“Laugh, Goddamn you! LAUGH!!”
Okay, this is the funniest thing I have seen in a LONG time.
http://www.examiner.com/x-11279-Howard-Stern-Examiner~y2009m12d20-Is-Artie-Lange-the-next-Brittany-Murphy
Yup, the Howard Stern vacation curse strikes!
How bad did Artie sound today during the Act 3?? I wonder when he recorded those?
he sounded fine but was only on one segment on about the fcc boxed set
Really? He sounded awful during, I thought.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091221/ap_on_hi_te/us_howard_stern_sirius
good article and stated that howards salary was 80 million which included budget for himself staff and other stuff and made 82.9 million in stock for bringing in 2 million subscribers.
Actually it said he brought in 2 million listeners over their target. This article annoyed me actually. It said Howard is available on iPhone. Sirius/XM is, but the Stern show is not. It also said the show is on from 6am to 9am. I mean if the journalist can’t these these simple facts right then how the fuck am i supposed to believe the rest of the article. And Howard is never gonna do an internet podcast type show like this article suggests he might.
I personally wouldn’t be surprised if he went back to terrestrial. Just to show everybody the kind of clout he has and ratings he can garner.
what is this movie?
Der Untergang
Excellent Work!!!
Genius clip, absolutely hysterical!
Howard IS now available in the iPhone thru the Pocket Tunes radio app. It works too….
Its not authorized tho… violates his contract.
That yahoo article is great I love the picture of Beth and Howard at the knicks game..
http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/radio-host-shock-jock/photo//091221/482/f7bf6f3e63484196a9c655d38930a4ad//s:/ap/20091221/ap_on_hi_te/us_howard_stern_sirius
It’s amazing what fame and money can do for a guy……All I can say is wow….
Or… you could just download the show as an MP3 and play it on your iPhone. Not that that’s authorized either.
Beth looks good in glasses. Very Jenny McCarthyesque there.
Is there no real Artie news? Sightings? I just hope he’s okay, whether he comes back or not.
I don’t care for “history of”, especially when they act as though Sam Kinison cured cancer. I mean, heck, the guy was funny, and his death tragicly ironic (not from drugs), but they revere him like a god. It’s artie-esque, the treatment/ fawning of Kinison. In a similar way, I think Howard was afraid of Sam, who often fought with people, once threatening to kick Ronnie’s ass. I guess Sam’s “friend of the show” status allowed him to get away with more than other guests. (Again like artie).
For my money, Gilbert Gottfried has been the most consistently funny comedian they’ve ever had on.
gilbert, I agree, has been the best guest comedian. I got kind of perturbed the last time he was on and Howard shut him up for a comment he made.
“Beth looks good in glasses. Very Jenny McCarthyesque there.” At first I couldn’t tell who she was from her profile…looks like Howard is about to cast a spell on her…
Despite all the horse face cracks on her, and the fact that she is glomming off of Howard’s fame (how else would any publisher be interested in a dog book by Beth O?), Beth would look great in anything. I’m not a Beth fan, but she is a trophy wife if there ever was one…
Not exactly. I think the glasses actually help. And Howard’s first wife was quite pretty.
if yall wanna see something mean…go to the “tags” section at amazon.com for beths book oh my dog…fucking ruthless
Wow, those tags really are tough. My favorite is “hay now.”
WOW! I just checked out those tags on Amazon.com. There are about 6 of them that reference “horse” , “horse face”, and (my fave) “Kentucky derby”. Funny, but brutal. Then again, how is Beth any diffeent from Diedre Imus, or any other nobody who marries a celeb, then all of a sudden finds this new “career”. Twenty years ago, Howard was ripping apart Joe Piscopo, Trump, and other celebs who traded up for trophy wives. What goes around comes around I guess.
As for the video on this post – yeah it’s pretty damn good.
FANTASTIC. I laughed out loud right in my office.
beth is good looking, but clearly dumb as a rock. i’ve never heard her say anything even remotely interesting or insightful.
anyone of us would do the same in howards shoes, maybe not beth specifically but a trophy type wife.
No mention of Howard in the about the author section.
That is one of the best Hitler clip usages ever!!!! And I bet it’s not far off from the behind the scenes worries and meetings.
Really, really, really great writing on that one.
Steven Seagal could not hit the bullet hole any closer than that did!!
Well, thanks to pwnyoutube.com I’ve downloaded the 20 MB version and transcribed its genius for posterity. (There don’t seem to be any other transcripts on the web at present.) All grammar and typos as per the original video:
—————————————-
Howard… we’ve finally tracked Artie down.
He was here on Saturday.
We followed the scent of heroin and empty cupcake wrappers.
They say he’s in pretty bad shape.
I mean, aside from the obvious.
. Well, as long as he’s clean.
. Helicopter Mike should have him back by showtime Monday.
My furher…
There…
There is no Helicopter Mike. He’s still using.
It was all lies.
. Everyone that knew Artie was bullshitting me…
. Leave now.
. YOU FUCKING MORONS!
. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!
. How can I do this show day after day without him?
. Am I supposed to talk every fucking second?
. AND NEVER TAKE A GODDAMN BREATH!
. Am I supposed to talk about Lisa G’s shits every day?
. Is that entertaining to you?
We can still talk about the chairs in Garys’ theatre.
. SHUT THE FUCK UP, FRED!
. If you mention those stools again I’m going to puke!
I’m still not tired of Robin’s wacky diets.
. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
. That 34?
. I’m ready to put you in a blender and FEED YOU TO HER!
. Listen, my wife’s in the hallway.
. Take a good look at her.
. You think I’d have a girl like that if I was Howard the plumber?
. I WANT THAT FAT FUCK BACK NOW!
. I’ll shoot heroin into the tip of his dick myself if I have to!
. And don’t even get me started on Fred.
. Guy treats me like shit after all I’ve done for him.
. He shows me no respect.
. Nothing but love for him.
. Why does he resent me?
. This show is 99.9% me!
. You’re living off the crumbs that fall from my lips when I eat.
. I’m getting too old for this shit!
. Between having to be within a mile of Sal…
. And that dorfying Richard.
. I’ll be lucky if I make it to 60!
It’s ok, Lisa. Your shits ARE interesting.
. I know that right now, in this room…
. That some of you scumbags are in love with my wife.
. One of you even jerks off all over her chair when she leaves here.
. Now I have to do…
. What I swore I’d never do.
. But I have no choice.
. I’d rather cut my one good ball off than do this.
. Call Jackie Martling.
—————————————-
I was sorely tempted to change the last line, but I respect the artist too much.
That was the most creative thing I’ve seen tha tresembled theshow in years
Yo, JC’s buddy, any word on Artie? You’ve been kind of quiet lately, and no one seems to know where Artie went.
Call the Jackie Puppet!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-zHng4Zh5g
Mootzarell balls, mootzarell balls, lalalalalaaaaa:-)
No Artie Claus this year:-(
Okay, does anyone have a clue here? I’ve only listened up through 12/9/09, and I just realized that looks like it was Artie’s last day! I imagine this has been rumored and hashed to death by now on the Wrap-Up Show and “SFN” and so on?
The official Mark’s Friggin summary for the 12-14-09 show reads “Artie Lange Asked To Take Time Off By SIRIUS Management”… and in the show I heard Artie was making it very clear he had canceled his gigs and was devoted to the Stern show (“Comix” notwithstanding)… but were those cancellations in RESPONSE to previous objections by “management”?
If “management” told him to take a leave, did he in fact comply and go into rehab (which doesn’t sound like him at all). If he did NOT go into rehab, and if he’s NOT welcome on the Stern show, then WHY are his gigs still cancelled (as per his web site)? Why no new sightings in the wild?
The “radio silence”, as it were, is disturbing. I mean, what’s the title of this web site after all!
This is a guy who was VERY much concerned about money and career. If he’s decided to take a year or two off from everything, great for him. I’d just like to know he’s okay…
In case I wasn’t clear, I’m just trying to politely ask if anyone who knows more than I do (which is 0.0) would please summarize anything known about Artie since 12/9 or so. It’s all fun and games until Artie gets hurt, and I just want to hear that he’s not….
Really Twatter? You’re 3 weeks behind and we have to update you on everything since then? C’mon man, get in the game. What the fuck are you doing? We’re all busy, but you have to make time for the Stern show. You’re like some asshole walking into a movie 20 minutes after it starts asking what’s going on.
The update is…Artie didn’t report for his last week of work before break, and Howard doesn’t want to talk about it. That’s pretty much it. If there is an update I’m pretty sure this website will be one of the first to report. So you aren’t missing anything yet.
Is next week a re-play of the HHS stuff that’s been played since the break started or something different? I have a legit excuse for askin’ what’s going on-I’ve been in another country and haven’t been able to listen since I got back. I had to travel again as soon as I touched down in Reno. I’ve been trying to read the blogs when I can but I’ve been way too busy! (I’m not that asshole, Derek!)
Uh, thanks? You see, Darek, I pace my listening so I’m NOT stuck with 2 or 3 weeks of repeats during regular Stern Show vacations. I rarely end up more than a day or two behind by the time the show comes back on. (The first History of Howard Stern was good, but later iterations were not good enough to keep me from pining for the actual show.) I also get to hear the whole show and am not subject to the happenstance of time or commercial breaks.
I’d already done my due diligence BEFORE asking, and I’d come to exactly the same conclusion you were kind enough to provide — nobody knows what’s up with Artie. In fact, in the thread above I WROTE well before your kind reply my surmise that “no one seems to know where Artie went”.
But, I thought perhaps I had missed some important clues that people who had actually LISTENED to the intervening shows had managed to gather, and I was trying to politely ask you to fill in the blanks. (Again, surely some interesting and perhaps partially substantiated theories had been thrown up on Wrap Up shows or SFN or elsewhere.) But you can’t. Thanks anyway.
By which I mean to say, no duh. Good to know you’ve learned so much more than I have by listening to each day’s show on time. For heaven’s sake, it’s like Artie’s whereabouts are a state secret.
Well I’m glad you’ve at least done your due diligence….
The first show Artie was gone was the same ol thing. “Where’s Artie/hope it isn’t drugs/maybe depression/exhaustion from the road, etc..” But after that they where eerily quiet about it. From the parts of the show I heard and reading show updates on the net, I don’t think they mentioned Artie at all. Maybe a rare passing joke about his absence but they never got into another discussion about it. It’s as if Howard knows what’s up and isn’t comfortable getting into it, or he’s assuming the audience is sick of the Artie guessing game and never really getting any info. I think I’m one of the biggest Artie supporters on here, but it is getting old.
I wish he’d be real (which is what the show is supposed to be all about) and finally lay the truth out there. Is he really having a nervous breakdown b/c he’s the same age his old man was when he died? Can’t get over Dana? Back on the stuff? Just fucking tell us. There has to be a tangible explanation as to why he’s indefinitely retiring from stand up. And he can’t even show up to work 20 hours a week to his “dream job.”
He keeps this shit up and his old joke about having to go back to work as a longshoreman may come true.
Alpha…if you’re killing a fair amount of terrorists then you’re excused…this time.
Well that’s more like it; thanks for real this time Darek. You gave me some of the flavor I was looking to hear.
I started on the 12/10 show this morning, and Howard was pretty clear that he DID know exactly where Artie was, and that Artie was okay. So I guess my optimistic hope is that it’s forced rehab.
Before he left Artie was making it clear that it was now “the Artie chair” and then the stuff about cancelling gigs and focusing on Sirius. I get the feeling they were shoving him out and he was actually fighting back, in order to stay on the show.
Rehab really makes the most sense. I guess it’s not “their place” to talk about it though. Nobody seriously doubts he’s been “using” lately, so let’s hope for the best…
By the way, I relistened to 12/9 and while Artie was relatively quiet, he did make his minimum daily requirement of semiclever zingers. I’ve never seen him fail to do his job (assuming he shows up of course). Good luck Artie!
Arties Favorite Herpes Laced Hooker says:
December 23, 2009 at 12:54 pm
anyone of us would do the same in howards shoes, maybe not beth specifically but a trophy type wife
______________________
true but would you deify her they way he does? The photo op of her “saving” the owl and setting it free while wearing he NYY knit hat? It’s fairly sickening. She a saint blah blah blah, for a guy whose career was predicate on family values and a solid marriage it’s a complete 180 and totally hypocritical.. He’s now the personification of everything he bashed for 90% of his career. And he looks ridicules next to her. Put it this way look at what he said about imus and his current wife or a ton of other celebrities he mercilessly beat on for doing the same.
@ arties heart – Thanks for supporting my earlier comments about trophy Beth. And while many of us may have traded up like Howard did, if we were in his shoes, I certainly would not have married again, nor would I have put her on the air. I get nausea when I hear them call each other baby and honey. No couple that I ever knew that was this lovey dovey for this long ever made it. It’s fuckin phoney bullshit.
@ twa twa –
Artie missed work again. Artie came into work with a story about why he was out again. I didn’t believe him again. Howard acted as though he was cool with it again. Then artie was out again. Then, in a shocking turn and for the first time ever, we were told management advised artie to stay out the rest of the week! Now we expect artie will be back again, and then lie about what he did again, when we know he shoulda gone to rehab again, but didn’t again!
Oh… that again.
My gut tells me Artie is done on the show, but my brain says Howard will fight for him until the bitter end to keep him. At this point being involved with this web site and talking with Matt and all you guys over the years, I for one think Artie is a genuine jerkoff, and I feel stupid for ever believing anything he’s ever said, and to take it a step further I’m jealous that I don’t have a job where I make a ton of money fuck my employer and friends over and over again and am still adulated by them…But then I’m reminded that it’s a show and realize that i’m the jerkoff for ever giving a shit….
Don’t be down on yourself for falling for Artie’s lies. He has spent decades perfecting his cons. We don’t even really know Artie, but people who do, and who seem very savvy, were taken in by him as well.
Artie predicted from the very beginning that this day would come. He said everybody who has ever loved me has grown to hate me, given enough time. And trust me, when he first said this I thought, no way, I am a huge fan of Artie and his great stories. But by the time I read Too Fat to Fish, he was right. I have listened to the show since the days at WNNNNNBC, and thought the Show was best when Artie joined. I wish him the best, but I don’t believe a word he says about anything. If he is not back, the show will lack something, but I understand why he can’t be allowed to work there. If he is back, he will likely be a distraction, as he has been the last few months. But I understand that it’s business and sometimes decisions are made for reasons that aren’t transparent. Beyond that, I hope the show gets back on track, because the Sirius contract negotiations are not making for stellar radio.
Really, how hard is Howard gonna fight for the gorilla with one more year on the contract? I think he’s finally sick of the bullshit and really doesn’t care if Artie doesn’t make it back. He has plenty of back-up comics he can put in that crumb filled chair. I love the fatboy but if he were in my squad his paperwork would already be started.
Nope, Derek. Not killin’ anything:-/ I’m support for those who do;-)
For what it’s worth, according to Wikipedia and VH1, “Season 3 of Celebrity Rehab will premiere on January 10, 2010.” No idea when they film(ed). Their last offer was $200,000.
Wouldn’t that be the BEST thing EVER!!!!
THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!
HYSTERICAL! GENIUS! hope Howard sees it and comments. He’ll certainly enjoy seeing Hitler play him!
Yay:) bring back Jackie!
I am very sad this morning
my daughter has struggles with herion for the past 6 years and it has torn my family apart. My husband and I can’t even talk about her without fighting things are getting better but she still is battling her demon
As artie will be for the rest of his life
We’ve known artie wanted to do this for awhile quess we should have stayed on the situation longer
GET BETTER ARTIE WE LOVE YOU!!!!
this is so fu8**** funny
Put down the bat and stop beating yourself up buddy, you’re now on the true road to recovery. A person’s bottom is never like another’s and this is yours, don’t run from it but embrace it, for it’s the pain that you are in that will save your life. Life will never be the same and neither will you, you’ll know what it is to have true piece of mind and you’ll have a new found happiness. Don’t burden yourself with what you’re family’s been through, they know you’re hurting because of it but they’re strong and so are you. For it’s your Mother and Sister’s love and support that they want you to lean on. I’m praying for you big man. You’re gonna be ok.
Artie …. you are one of the best things that has come along to the show …. you have fans every where that love you and want the best for you …. to hell with the critics …. if they had a clue they wouldnt be talking the way they do
We all hope for the best …. get the help now my man …. I did the samething years ago and it was the bottom for me …. do for you and your family …. no one else
Fight it all the way …. we will be here for you …. we love you man