Rumors have been spreading around from Perez Hilton to SFN about Artie cancelling shows / appearances this week. Rehab rumors are abound.
Right now there is no word from the Artie camp on why. Teddy has confirmed to me that the shows are cancelled and I am awaiting official word.
Let’s keep our fingers crossed its nothing bad.
The continuation of the Hudson Reporter’s article on Artie has been published. Read it here.
“If I retired, I don’t know what I’d do either,” said Lange. “If and when I have children - and I hope to someday - they would probably have a house like this, and they’d have a boat. They’d go waterskiing. By the time they got older, hopefully, they’d go to the next level and have some sort of important job. I think my kids would know how to relax more.”
He added, “I grew up with more than my father had. I’m a little better at relaxing. When my father fell [during a construction job; see Part I], I was 18 and all that relaxation went out the window. I hope to have kids because I’d like to see someone in my family relax, even if it’s 25 years from now.”
The Hudson Reporter has published Part 1 of a two part profile on Artie Lange. The article covers his upcoming book, his family and introduction to Stern.
Artie talking about Too Fat to Fish,
“It’s not an autobiography in the sense that it is not anything linear,” said Lange recently. “It’s going to have about 17 to 20 short stories that are real stories. It’s just about different things that happened to me at different times in my life, starting from the time that I was born, to the last chapter, which is going to be about the [recent] trip that I took to Afghanistan.”
About two and a half hours into the show today Artie commented that he was still having trouble staying awake during the show. Howard told Artie he could take a power nap. Will brought in an inflatable bed for him to sleep in. Artie expressed concern that he wouldn’t be able to sleep with Carly Simon, “I don’t know if i can go to sleep with her making all that racket”. After some debate of sleeping arrangements Artie opted for the green room.
The culprit? Lately he has been eating a bagel, breakfast burrito and cookies as well as his Hawaiian punch.
**Update**
Artie wound up sleeping through the entire show!
Sadly I missed the discussion yesterday about Artie’s man cave but thankfully we have Mark’s Figgin.
As previously reported Artie had a man cave constructed [guesstimated between 80-100K] for the TV show “Man Caves” on the DIY Network hosted by Tony Siragusa. For the show Artie’s mom and sister showed up and Artie need two tool belts strapped together for him to wear it.
Artie had his man cave set up in the top floor of his house with an elevator access for his mom [awww]. The room is split by two stairs . In one half of the room is a 60 inch TV. The centerpiece of the room is a table that you can put a beer keg directly into. A couch goes around the room. He has a terrace up there with a refrigerator.
The other side of the room has a pool table with wall mount cue racks and another 60 inch flat screen. There is another room with a 6 person Borgata poker table with professional chips. The room was already put to use with a poker game including cocktail waitresses and a dealer from the Borgata. Somewhere in the room there is a shelf with a TV that pops up [button-activated] and has a sports ticker running continuously.
Amazon.com now has Artie’s book listed for pre-order. Check out the listing here:
Pre-Order Too Fat to Fish at Amazon.com
Letterman
Artie brought bowling beauty Tracy to Letterman last week and he said things went really well. They exchanged cell phone numbers as well as text messaged each other over the weekend with possible dinner plans for this week.
Add Mike Gange
Gange had said last week that he liked Tracy and he obviously had a big crush going on. Of course Artie stepped in and flashed the fame to Tracy and “stole her away”. This morning the rumor was floating around that Gange was mad at Artie for getting the date with Tracy since Gange thought he had known her longer and had chemistry. Artie then said he would step away from her as a courtesy to Mike.
Add a Girl with a boyfriend
Later Tracy called in an said that she had a boyfriend and wasn’t serious about dating either of them. Howard TV said she had a live-in boyfriend to boot. When asked if she was interested in Gange, she said she didn’t know. When asked if she would date Artie she said she definitely would if she didn’t have a boyfriend. Artie got a little pissed off at Tracy for playing the field when she had a boyfriend that last week she was playing down.
My Thoughts
First off, the Mike and Artie are partially to blame for even crushing on this girl. Artie gets a little bit of a pass since he has some fame and money and you might be able to get a girl - boyfriend or not. Mike on the other hand would have a tougher time swinging that. But in respect to her, they shouldn’t have been making moves.
Tracy is also to blame. I always hear or see girls like this who get into these situations for what reason I have no idea. Either A) They are complete idiots and don’t realize the guys want them by being overly nice to them (inviting them to Letterman show) or B) They are completely disrespectful for going out with some other dude while they have a boyfriend, unless you are ready to ditch the current BF. She should fucking know better. And I think she knew exactly what she was doing. The current boyfriend should ditch her.
During Lisa G’s headlines this morning she admitted that she may have a thing for Artie. “I was talking to my sister about this last night” said Lisa. She continued, “
Its very frustrating because he doesn’t like himself… its sad to me.” Howard added “Because you like him” and Lisa responded with a “yes”. Oddly, Lisa contested the idea that she is a chubby chaser saying that she wouldn’t date a fat guy. So which one is it Lisa?
Robin mentioned that Artie was eating by pointing out that every time they talk about someone liking Artie he starts eating.
Artie added that because of his personality now he will hate her since he knows she likes him.
Later, Howard asked Lisa what it would take for Artie to date her. Lisa said he would have to change everything. Artie got agitated with the implication of getting therapy. She said he should take a few weeks off and go somewhere, also see a shrink and get healthy.
During headlines this morning, Lisa G said that she talked to Artie’s new assistant and really likes her. Lisa said that Hillary saw the Teddy fight and felt she wanted to do the job.
Hillary has no experience as a personal assistant but Artie says she is extremely organized and knows how to use a computer. She is also a graduate from Syracuse University and a bartender.
Lisa G reported that Hillary said Artie is her type body wise but that she wasn’t attracted to him in that way.
Robin asked when Artie was going to sleep with her. Artie said he would not do that and Robin responded in disbelief saying he will sleep with her in about a month.
Artie has hired a new FEMALE assistant named Hillary. So now Artie is one step closer to a sexual harassment lawsuit. I sure hope she has a sense of humor for his sake. God knows what type of things come out of drunken Artie’s mouth 
Artie said he had a ton of letters for the job. He said he will keep it professional with her but did say she is cute (and has a boyfriend).
Teddy is still in the mix though. I wonder how he will take to the new number one.
