About two and a half hours into the show today Artie commented that he was still having trouble staying awake during the show. Howard told Artie he could take a power nap. Will brought in an inflatable bed for him to sleep in. Artie expressed concern that he wouldn’t be able to sleep with Carly Simon, “I don’t know if i can go to sleep with her making all that racket”. After some debate of sleeping arrangements Artie opted for the green room.

The culprit? Lately he has been eating a bagel, breakfast burrito and cookies as well as his Hawaiian punch.

**Update**

Artie wound up sleeping through the entire show!

Sadly I missed the discussion yesterday about Artie’s man cave but thankfully we have Mark’s Figgin.

As previously reported Artie had a man cave constructed [guesstimated between 80-100K] for the TV show “Man Caves” on the DIY Network hosted by Tony Siragusa. For the show Artie’s mom and sister showed up and Artie need two tool belts strapped together for him to wear it.

Artie had his man cave set up in the top floor of his house with an elevator access for his mom [awww]. The room is split by two stairs . In one half of the room is a 60 inch TV. The centerpiece of the room is a table that you can put a beer keg directly into. A couch goes around the room. He has a terrace up there with a refrigerator.

The other side of the room has a pool table with wall mount cue racks and another 60 inch flat screen. There is another room with a 6 person Borgata poker table with professional chips. The room was already put to use with a poker game including cocktail waitresses and a dealer from the Borgata. Somewhere in the room there is a shelf with a TV that pops up [button-activated] and has a sports ticker running continuously.

Amazon.com now has Artie’s book listed for pre-order. Check out the listing here:
Pre-Order Too Fat to Fish at Amazon.com

Letterman

Artie brought bowling beauty Tracy to Letterman last week and he said things went really well. They exchanged cell phone numbers as well as text messaged each other over the weekend with possible dinner plans for this week.

Add Mike Gange

Gange had said last week that he liked Tracy and he obviously had a big crush going on. Of course Artie stepped in and flashed the fame to Tracy and “stole her away”. This morning the rumor was floating around that Gange was mad at Artie for getting the date with Tracy since Gange thought he had known her longer and had chemistry. Artie then said he would step away from her as a courtesy to Mike.

Add a Girl with a boyfriend

Later Tracy called in an said that she had a boyfriend and wasn’t serious about dating either of them. Howard TV said she had a live-in boyfriend to boot. When asked if she was interested in Gange, she said she didn’t know. When asked if she would date Artie she said she definitely would if she didn’t have a boyfriend. Artie got a little pissed off at Tracy for playing the field when she had a boyfriend that last week she was playing down.

My Thoughts

First off, the Mike and Artie are partially to blame for even crushing on this girl. Artie gets a little bit of a pass since he has some fame and money and you might be able to get a girl - boyfriend or not. Mike on the other hand would have a tougher time swinging that. But in respect to her, they shouldn’t have been making moves.

Tracy is also to blame. I always hear or see girls like this who get into these situations for what reason I have no idea. Either A) They are complete idiots and don’t realize the guys want them by being overly nice to them (inviting them to Letterman show) or B) They are completely disrespectful for going out with some other dude while they have a boyfriend, unless you are ready to ditch the current BF. She should fucking know better. And I think she knew exactly what she was doing. The current boyfriend should ditch her.

During Lisa G’s headlines this morning she admitted that she may have a thing for Artie. “I was talking to my sister about this last night” said Lisa. She continued, “Its very frustrating because he doesn’t like himself… its sad to me.” Howard added “Because you like him” and Lisa responded with a “yes”. Oddly, Lisa contested the idea that she is a chubby chaser saying that she wouldn’t date a fat guy. So which one is it Lisa?

Robin mentioned that Artie was eating by pointing out that every time they talk about someone liking Artie he starts eating.

Artie added that because of his personality now he will hate her since he knows she likes him.

Later, Howard asked Lisa what it would take for Artie to date her. Lisa said he would have to change everything. Artie got agitated with the implication of getting therapy. She said he should take a few weeks off and go somewhere, also see a shrink and get healthy.

During headlines this morning, Lisa G said that she talked to Artie’s new assistant and really likes her.  Lisa said that Hillary saw the Teddy fight and felt she wanted to do the job.

Hillary has no experience as a personal assistant but Artie says she is extremely organized and knows how to use a computer. She is also a graduate from Syracuse University and a bartender.

Lisa G reported that Hillary said Artie is her type body wise but that she wasn’t attracted to him in that way.

Robin asked when Artie was going to sleep with her. Artie said he would not do that and Robin responded in disbelief saying he will sleep with her in about a month.

Artie has hired a new FEMALE assistant named Hillary. So now Artie is one step closer to a sexual harassment lawsuit. I sure hope she has a sense of humor for his sake. God knows what type of things come out of drunken Artie’s mouth

Artie said he had a ton of letters for the job. He said he will keep it professional with her but did say she is cute (and has a boyfriend).

Teddy is still in the mix though. I wonder how he will take to the new number one.

Lisa G reported this morning that she spoke to Anthony Bozza (Artie’s author) and he said that there is a story in the book that will blow everyone away.

Hint: It involves drugs and it doesn’t involve anything gay. Which cancels out my guess.

“When I don’t have a girlfriend I’m very productive.”

Artie said that he has finished writing his book “Too fat to fish” over the vacation. “It’s off to the editors”, said Artie. Originally the publishing company said it was set for a release next April because they didn’t believe that he could get it finished so soon. Now it looks like it could be hitting the book shelves in November.

If you are a cynical fan of Artie Lange, which I am at times, you might find yourself rolling your eyes at some of the quotes found in a recent interview/article over at newsday.com.

“Yeah, there’s a party persona, but I’m 40 and I decided I may want to see 50,” said Lange, calling from his home in Hoboken, N.J. “If I partied nearly as much as some people think I do, I’d be dead. I don’t want that. Nobody wants that - at least I don’t think they do. Some Web sites that predict my early death might want it, but I’m doing my best to disappoint them.”

“I am a gambler. I love sports. I talk about that,” he explains. “I like betting on sports still. I like going to Atlantic City and playing some games. I still drink. I haven’t done blow in a long time, but I still talk about it. I did it enough to get enough — material about that.

“If I was partying like I used to, there’s no way I’d have the job I have,” he continues. “For seven years, I’ve been getting up at 4:45 and I’m at work at 6 a.m…. When I first got the gig, I would try doing stand-up sets during the week in New York and then maybe go drinking.

“I tried staying up all night a couple of times, going straight from the bar to the diner to the studio and that doesn’t work, man. Howard will call you on it. I tried going in hung over, I tried everything. The only thing that works is ‘Look, I’m gonna take this seriously’ like Howard. You get into bed at 8, 9 o’clock and you try to fall asleep.”

“Look, it’s a sacrifice,” he says. “I’ve left Yankee World Series games early because the biggest thing in my life came along and it involves me getting up early. . . . You gotta hunker down and take something seriously.”

“As far as I knew, I didn’t have any anger problems. I’ve never really been in a fight-fight since I was like 20. I’m 40 now. My assistant - well, he doesn’t work with me anymore, but that’s just because he felt that he would be better off just working there - he’s a great kid.

“I’ve never been involved with a project like ‘The Howard Stern Show’ that’s actually a hit. When I was on ‘Mad TV’ the first year, I left that show even worse - high on coke, I took a swing at a cop - nobody cared about that. With this, it’s a credit to Howard. I have to pinch myself sometimes because it’s the biggest radio show of all time - nothing’s even close to it - and I’m on it. There’s great stuff about that and there can be bad stuff. You do good, it’s great. You — up, it’s amplified and that’s what happened. I came back humbled. You apologize and you move on to the next midget stripper.”

Read the full article here. (by Glenn Gamboa)