Archive for the ‘Quotes’ Category
Quote from Monday’s Show
Monday, June 18th, 2007
Howard: “Can’t you do a healthy amount of heroin to stay thin?”
Artie: “I swear to god - If i could just do coke so i could lose 100 lbs i would… [then he added later on] I haven’t figured out a way to be healthy with this schedule…”
Howard: “Why don’t you do the show on an exercise bike.”
After six years Artie still hasn’t figured out a schedule. Artie, that statement alone makes you my hero. I never knew someone could take laziness and procrastination to that level!! I feel so humbled.
QotD - Fat Artie
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007Artie was going on today about Miss Howard Tv and how she was half Italian like himself…
“My mother would love it if I brought home an Italian girl… believe me, she’s gonna take whatever Fat Artie can get”
Artie Quote of the day
Monday, May 21st, 2007Today there was a cute 18 yr old in studio. In referring to her fake-baking (tanning) she does Artie said, “I’m not saying she’s tan , Ralph, but i almost gave her my laundry”
Quote of the Day: On the Wrap up show
Thursday, May 10th, 2007I’m not sure if I got the quote correct;
“Not inviting Scott to a Nascar event is like not inviting Ronny to a shitty turtleneck wearing convention”
How about we come up with some of our own?
- Not inviting Scott to a Nascar event is like not inviting Artie to the Over 300 Comedian Club
Quote of the Day: Maryanne & Artie
Thursday, May 3rd, 2007We have 2 quotes of the day. Normally I just stick to what Artie says, but I gotta give a shout out to Maryanne from Brooklyn.
The Stern show celebrated Jeff the Drunk’s birthday today with having Jeff in studio. Jeff was really depressed and everybody was trying to get Jeff some help and chop off his arm.
Maryanne from Brooklyn called up and said she wanted to wish Jeff a happy birthday but instead went off on Artie.
“You will never ever be happy. No matter how many canolis you eat. You will never be happy. If you didn’t have Howard, you wouldn’t have a job”
Later she called back to give some support to Jeff when Artie said “That cunt loves you”.
If anyone knows how I can get in touch with Maryanne from Brooklyn .. whether its an email, myspace or SFN name, etc..
“Nerdy Virgin Hairy Fag”
Monday, April 23rd, 2007Jason and Artie got into it today when they brought up Thursday’s wrap-up where Jason speculated that Artie was back on drugs. Artie kept repeating different variations of nerdy fag to Jason over and over obviously very touchy about his sobriety. Apparently Artie’s mom heard the rumor and she got very upset. Howard started playing clips from the wrap-up show, one of which where Sal was calling Howard an enabler. The whole show got into discussion afterwards.
Artie maintains his is not doing drugs.
A few minutes later Artie admitted that he had to pop a Subutex because after the discussion with Jason he said his head was feeling weird.
Artie quote 4/10/07
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007While Richard Simmons was running trying to leave Howard’s floor in the elevator, Artie said “Richard… get out of the closet… i mean Elevator!”
Trivia Question
Thursday, March 22nd, 2007Who said the following statement about who. (quote is not exact)
“You were given a healthy body and look what you did to it”
Artie Quote of the Day - March 12 ‘07
Monday, March 12th, 2007“I am capable of taking off the weight. I just need to get in that mind frame.”
