Buy Artie Lange Stuff
The best way to show your support of Artie Lange is to get some of his merch!
The best way to show your support of Artie Lange is to get some of his merch!



| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Aug | ||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | |||
I hope Artie can cut down and lose some weight soon! I got really nervous when Howard isolated that wheezing noise that Artie was making. Also, he keeps falling asleep during the show and that is scary too!
Let’s face it…the only thing that can support Artie these days is a CRANE. God Damn it Artie! I like the sausage and peppers too and all that good stuff but I got 2 words for you tubby…Modda Ration. Ya Hear? God Bless.
Artie I know what it’s like to lose weight, when your in the city try to walk as much as you can, even if it’s to get food the more you walk the better.
Good Luck, Buddy!
artie I know all the experts blabber on about all this crap you need to do..but i got the answer…i got into a conversation with my doctor about how i couldnt put on anny weight..ive been 115lbs for 13yrs now…my doctor says its because i eat like a tiger…then he continued to say “if you wanna look like a cow, eat like a cow. If you wanna look like a tiger, eat like a tiger…i mostly eat meat and thats the cause of my weight. so put down the salad and all the health food…pick up the red meat and shovel it in…oh and get ready for some squirts cause your gonna get em.
I bought them all. Now you owe me. Get well…
Artie,
I am a Jewish Mother who is very worried about you. Artie, you make enough money now to have a cook make healthy foods that you like for you. They could make you cup cakes without the sugar. They could make Italian dishes you you that are healthier and less calories than what you are eating now. Artie, please hire a cook/nutritionist to work for you.
I really think that the falling asleep during the show is about high blood sugar after you eat all of that junk.
You are a comedy treasure like a Jackie Leonard telling your stories and I would hate for the world not to enjoy you for very, very, long time.
Oey Vey!
I’m giving him more credit than he probably deserves and I’m going to say January 15th, 2012
Artie, the wheazing is probably caused by being overweight, everyone should be careful with the stompin on you about your weight… Either way, i was like 230 lbs and 5′10 about a year ago, and gradually dropped to about 195 which is still no bargain, but its gettin there…U’ll get back, dont listen to the draggers trying to bring you down….
Artie F these bastards. You look great. I am 330 and you look like a bulimic compared to me. Have some smokes and a large pizza you funny fat fart nocker
Artie, you are sooo adored and well you
@JennLallyROCKS – thanks for the long post despite your condition. All the best
why am i still on this damn site? guess i’m the loser!
Artie-
Please take advantage of my sister’s offer. She lives in Denver, works for the American Heart Association, and is offering you a healthy diet plan, excercise program and free accomodations during your stay.
Please take advantage of this situation!!!!!
Artie
What I am telling you is the honest truth sweetie.
The AHA and the National Heart Lung and Blood Institue has already LIED.
The Framingham Heart Study really found
“After age 50 11 % overall and 14 %CVD death rate INCREASE per 1 ml DROP in cholesterol”.- THIS IS THE TRUE STATEMENT. VERIFY IT .
BELOW IS THE NHLBI LIE.
This statement a “1% reduction in cholesterol corresponds to a 2 % “reduction in coronary heart disease risk by the NHLBI is a COMPLETE LIE!!! NOWHERE in Framingham is this stated, NOWHERE.-VERIFY THIS TOO.
The WORST thing you could do , Artie is listen to the AHA scammers. Honestly sweetie. Low fat diets make you HUNGRY and CAUSE YOU TO EAT MORE.
Lisa
Artie, lets face it you need to lose weight and here’s a good way to start:
Lots of walking will do the trick, get that metabolism going…. you can bring your stilletto with you! Try walking at least ten blocks a day as a start. Common its New York City and you arent THAT famous
Cut out on the soda’s and hawaiian punches…..drink that Vitaman water, or start having soda water with lime or something.
Stop the milk chocolate curse, go with the dark chocolate, try to limit yourself to two squares at a time.
Good Luck
AVOID polyunsaturated vegetable oils and Trans fatty acids, Artie.
ANYTHING that contains the words hydrogonated oil OR partially hydrogonated oil contains trans fatty acids REGARDLESS of whether it says 0 trans on the package.
Saturated fatty acids are good, like eggs, filet etc., so is COCONUT. Also Omegs 3 fatty acids are good too. BOTH work hand in hand and complliment each other. It is a shame Howard is scammed by the FALSE Cholesterol Paradigm.
BUT REMEMBER CALORIES MATTER.
SO saturate rich but CALORIES RELATIVELY LOW.
Also supplement with berries.
CONTACT XXXX XXXX Artie.
HE WILL BRING YOU DOWN TO 170 I PROMISE- I bet you $400 I have seen it first hand. Persons far heavier than you.
Hey Artie,
I loved ya from your Mad TV days. As far as your current state of fatness, don’t fucking worry. I too was a lot more handsome when thinner. I went from looking like a chiseled stallone type to friggin Pavorotti blowfish. Now I’m back into the getting in shape mode and it’s awesome. But, I need to mentioned/ask something way more important than your bloatiness….Did Debra Wilson put out for any of you guys? Those can’s and tiny waist! Holy tits/waist/ass ratio Batman!!!
Artie
You NEED to get that blood sugar level DOWN as SOON as possible, stress DOWN, and bodyfat DOWN
You CAN do this!
Walk Artie, W A L K 6 miles
Do it Artie! Do this 3 times a wekk or so for 2 months . The pounds WILL drop.
I lost weight by taking LONG walks like a Masai. Anywhere from 4 miles to 14 many days a week.
I lost 60 pounds.
Artie get a cat-scan of your fucking belly and see if you can find my cat in their because the fucker done up and left me!
Gerard/New Rochelle
Artie, having two beautiful girls rub their nipples on his nipples on “Howard TV” says to the girls after he ups and walks away “you’re doing God’s work”.
Classic.
Gerard/New Rochelle.
ps- Artie is looking more and more like Jim Belushi- I hope that’s not a bad thing.
John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley, all funny and loved by their fans. All with addictive personalities. Please Artie, don
Artie you need to put down the fork. Tabitha Stevens can help you lose it!
Stop the Booze and the cakes.
kenjirat
Arte is great but has a death wish. He wants to go the same was as his idols Belushi and that other fat guy who hung out with David Spade.